Whatever goes up, stays up.

When moving a pregnant cat, pick up the cat and let her take care of the kittens.

No one has never elected a monument to a committee.

If you want to get along, go along.

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it.

When turkeys mate they think of swans.

Profanity is  a relief denied even to prayer.

A book is a success when people who haven’t read it pretend they have.

The cleverly expressed opposite of any generally accepted idea is worth a fortune to somebody.

Marriage is not a word but a sentence.

If all fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.

What is said when drunk has been thought beforehand.

Only mediocrity can be trusted to be always at its best.

Never order anything in a vegetarian restaurant that ordinary would have mean in it.

Life is six to five against.

Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back.

Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.

In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts.

The less work an organization produces, the more frequently it recognizes.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairpersons.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

The chances of anybody doing anything are inversely proportional to the number of the other people who are in a position to do instead.

An expert is a person who avoids a small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.